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FIC: A Clock, Ticking (2/5)

Title: A Clock, Ticking. (2/5)
Fandom: Death Note
Pairing: L/Light
Prompt: Double duty for prompts this time. Written for 20. Violence; War (~marriage of death) at 30_angsts; also written for the stagesoflove set: Five stages of grief: anger.
Warnings: Slash. Serious dub-con distinctions, implied non-con. I find myself in the position of needing that particular warning and urge readers to be careful and avoid this fic if you have any reason to suspect that may trigger you. Also, spoilers for the entire series. Set after the events of Book 7.
Rating: Adult.
Summary: Sex is a double edged sword, capable of cutting them both.
Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. I'm not that smart.
A/N: Unbetaed. Also, this is a work of fiction that contains sexual interaction between two male characters. Note the part that says fiction before having hysterics, please.

I warned for this, but I feel the need to add another note urging readers to be careful. There are serious consent issues in this fic. I've wanted to explore this idea for a while, and have done so here, as I cannot help but feel that L and Light are inextricably caught in a power struggle and sex, to them, is simply another weapon. Of course, nothing is ever as it seems when it comes to these characters. Suffice it to say that they are both seriously fucked up and that plays out here.

As always, feedback is welcome and appreciated.

**************

Previous Parts: Part 1/5.

**************

Without love, breath is just a clock, ticking. ~ Equilibrium, 2002.

"In nomine Patris, et filis, et spiritus sanctu. Amen." The Priest made the sign of a cross and stepped back. Wordlessly, Light bent to pick up a handful of dirt and threw it on the top of the coffin resting at the bottom of an unmarked grave.

Inside, Light was fighting back victorious laughter. Outside, he appeared solemn and carefully contained, as befit a man who allegedly buried a friend. Matsuda kept giving him measuring glances, as though waiting an outburst like the one Light had been unable to contain when L rattled his last breath in Light's arms.

He would be waiting a long time, Light thought, not looking anywhere but down at the grave as it filled with dirt. The Priest came over and made some inane comment, to which Light replied. It was a struggle for a moment not to laugh. L would not have appreciated a religious ceremony, regardless of the fact that he had grown up in England.

"It really is one of your crueler acts, Light-kun. You could at least give me my dignity in death." L's voice whispered in his ear and Light visibly started. Matsuda tensed and the Priest hesitated, one hand half raised as if to offer comfort. Light recoiled from the proffered touch and forcibly gathered himself. He bowed.

"Thank you for the ceremony, Father."

"It is no trouble at all, my son." The Priest, a tiny elderly Japanese man smiled sympathetically. "This man was your friend. I would offer what little comfort I am able."

L's voice was husky in Light's ear, pitched to be lewdly suggestive. "You could tell him of your problem, Light-kun. I'm sure he'd lend a hand."

Light shifted. He had deliberately worn a jacket that would cover the front of him, keeping his "problem" a secret. Wordlessly, he bowed to the Priest and turned on his heel. He could hear his father making an excuse for his behavior, heard the tone drop as Matsuda no doubt insinuated that there had been more than friendship between L and Light.

"There was, in a manner of speaking." L laughed, lazily and a muscle twitched in Light's cheek as he had to keep from looking above him. He half expected to see L floating along, much like Ryuk, an apple dangling in his fingers as he took delight in tormenting his foe, his friend. "At least, I assume you don't allow all of your friends to fuck you."

"Go to hell." Light snapped under his breath. A police officer, who held the door open to the back of a car, gave Light a curious look but he didn't say anything. It wouldn't have mattered if he had. L's laughter, uproarious in a way that it never had been in life, drowned out all other sounds.

"How do you know I'm not already in hell, Light-kun?" Light ignored the voice, concentrating instead on slowing the thundering of his heart. Each rush of blood pulsed through his body, swirling lower through his groin, making him so hard that he ached. "Hmm. I can see your point, actually. Perhaps you're in hell, Light-kun." The whisper suddenly grew darker, more suggestive. "I'm sure Misa will be happy to ease your discomfort."

The thought of Misa touching him made Light close his eyes. His mouth tightened in disgust, but Misa had proven her worth and her body was willing. Kira could show her favor when necessary. It eased the ache, even if her body lacked the sharp planes and angles that he had grown to crave.

"What would she think, what would any of them think, if they knew that the great and might Kira had lowered himself as you have? What would they think if they could have seen us together, heard your cries when I pushed inside you, watched your face as you struggled not to beg me to let you come?"

"Take me to the hotel, please." Light ordered the driver, his voice strangled. His trousers were painfully tight and Light hunched forward, pressing his shaking fingers into his eyes. He would not shame himself with a complete lack of willpower.

The car's engine surged as the vehicle pulled into traffic and Light concentrated on taking deep breaths, trying to subdue the fire that raged through his belly. It was the same as the night Kyosuke Higuchi had been captured, and the executed by Light.

Complete victory.

By the time the car pulled into the basement entrance into the hotel headquarters, Light was shaking with need. His erection was so hard that it hurt and he shoved past the guard without comment, trusting that his erratic behavior would be explained away as a manifestation of his grief.

L's laughter rang in his ears as he impatiently waited for the elevator doors to close. As soon as they did, once he knew he was alone, he snarled, "You were never anything but a pawn, L. You did only what I made you do."

"Maybe." L conceded gleefully. "But that night, you did what I made you do as well."

It was almost too much and when the elevator doors open, Light staggered towards Misa's room. He threw the door open, her name dying on his lips as he looked around and saw that the room empty. A note lay in the middle of her bed and he grabbed it, hoping desperately that she had simply goen to the restaurant for food.

Light-kun – Since you wouldn't allow me to attend the funeral, I decided to take an audition. I'll be back tonight.

XOXOXO – Misa-misa


Almost against his will, Light went back to his room – the room he had once shared with L. He opened the door to the suite, revealing the living area. Carefully, he took of his jacket and tossed it over the back of the sofa. "You knew." Light gasped, his fingers shaking as he unfastened his trousers. "You knew in the helicopter. You knew that I had won. It was so fucking intense, I felt like I was on fire. I wanted to burn you from the inside."

L's voice didn't answer and Light looked around, walking awkwardly to the chair that faced into the room. "You were sitting here, looking so weak. So vulnerable."

"You were so smug." L's answering whisper thrummed with anger. "You swaggered in, all but proclaiming victory and demanded to know why I wasn't celebrating.

Light finally freed his erection from the cloth of his trousers and gently touched himself. His eyes were open, his vision blurred with the memory of that night. "You have no idea how surprised I was when I realized that I had let you fuck me, L. Imagine, Kira, debased like that. I wanted you to pay. But I couldn't… not yet. I was so close."

"I rebuffed you. Three times." Light remembered the look of barely hidden defeat, warring with rage, in L's eyes that night. The handcuffs had only been gone a few hours and Light had still been laughing at the look in L's eyes when Light had confessed his love for Misa. He couldn't keep the grin off his face.

"Celebrate, L."

"It's not over, Light-kun." L's gaze cut into Light's merriment. "You know that."

"Of course I do. But can't we celebrate a job well done today? Higuchi was Kira."

"Only the third Kira."

"Do you ever let it end?" Light demanded, ostensibly angry, but mostly enjoying riling L. Idly, he wondered how far he could push the mild mannered detective. There had certainly been occasions where the calm reserve had cracked, revealing a fire that rivaled Light's.

"Only when it ends." L insisted stubbornly, from where he slouched in the chair. His long legs were stretched in front of him, testament to his exhaustion. "Don't you wish to see Misa?"

Light shrugged. "In time. Right now, I'm with you."

Electricity sparked through L's eyes and the vulnerability in them faded, banked under the anger that suddenly burned in their depths. "Yes, right now you are with me. Do you intend to seduce me, Light-kun?"

The insult stung and Light narrowed his eyes. "Why would I have to do that, Ryuzaki? Have you forgotten the nature of our relationship?" Light twisted the words, intending them to hurt and he saw L flinch slightly. It was a small advantage, but he pounced on it. "Are your morals suddenly appearing? Or does fucking a man not in handcuffs just not appeal to you?"

"Go away." L growled, but he didn't move when Light walked towards him. The younger man deliberately swung his hips, mockingly provocative.

"That's not what you said last night." Light whispered, sinking slowly to his knees in front of L. His own blood thundered through his ears, and he was already hard. He wanted to strike out, let L know just how soundly he had been beaten, and he suddenly knew how. He kept his eyes locked on L's, noting the way that they darkened as he leaned forward. Pressing his lips to L's groin, Light could feel that he was as disinterested as he claimed and he smirked, opening his mouth to blow hot air through the denim material.

"I don't want this." L's voice broke slightly as Light slid his hands up L's legs, pushing his thighs further apart. He mouthed the detective's erection through his jeans.

"Yes, you do." Light corrected gently, his fingers moving to unfasten the belt and open the button. "I can feel that. Is it because I'm no longer helpless that you've seemingly lost interest in me?" He looked up, hungrily. "Or was it only the thought that you were fucking a murderer that motivated you before?"

He wasn't entirely surprised when L hit him, but that didn't keep the blow from hurting. He fell backwards, stars dancing in his vision. He landed on his backside, hands on either side of him to keep from cracking his head on the floor. L stood over him, legs straddling Light, as he reached down to pull Light to his knees. Viciously, he pushed Light's mouth against his now freed flesh and Light opened his mouth with a groan, licking and sucking even as L's hand fisted in his hair.

Sex between them was a weapon, it always had been; a double edged sword, capable of cutting them both. The sudden dominance on L's part wasn't a complete surprise, but it didn't keep Light from choking when L pushed forward, his mouth suddenly so full he couldn't breathe. "Why so desperate, Light-kun?" L whispered, strangely tender as he pumped into Light's mouth. "Why so eager to be on your knees at my behest? Guilt? Shame? Repentance? Or just one more way that you're willing to sell yourself?"

Light jerked away, leaving strands of his hair in L's fist. Shakily he climbed to his feet, lips swollen and tender, until they were eye to eye. "Do you dare call me a whore?"

L's smile was twisted and mirthless. "No. I would do no such disservice to honest work. You are a murderer; we both know it." He reached up with suddenly gentle fingers and rubbed them over Light's mouth.

Light hit him, his fisted hand flying forth without any conscious thought. L rocked back with the blow and then sprang forward, arms circling Light's waist and sending them both crashing to the floor. They each scrambled for purchase, punching, hitting, biting, licking, kissing, until Light couldn't remember what exactly he'd intended in starting this. It was always that way with L – the path was so twisted that both ended up hopelessly lost.

L, despite his somewhat scrawny build, was surprisingly strong, and he finally managed to pin Light to the floor. His fingers were cold against Light's skin as he raked them down Light's back, shoving down his trousers and underwear. His mouth was hot, his teeth sharp as he bit Light's shoulder, tearing away the shirt that covered him.

"Ryuzaki, stop." Light's voice shook.

"No." L answered calmly, his hands keeping Light pinned to the floor. "Isn't this what you wanted?"

"You're hurting me." Light whispered, tensing as he felt L's fingers slide between his legs. One long finger found his opening and shoved in without any thought for Light's comfort and Light cried out in pain.

"You've hurt yourself." L countered. He pulled out, spitting into his hand and smearing the viscous liquid over Light's skin before shoving two fingers inside. It burned and Light writhed on the floor, trying to use his weight to throw L off balance.

"Don't do this." Light groaned, doing his best to breathe past the pain tearing through him. "I don't want this."

"Yes, you do." L threw Light's words back at him mockingly. He withdrew his fingers again and slid his hand around to ciricle Light's erection. He was still hard and the feel of L's fingers stroking him nearly undid him. "I can feel that. Is it because you're no longer helpless that you've seemingly lost interest in me? Or is it the fact that I'm willingly fucking a murderer that suddenly turns you off?"

"L…" Light's protest turned into a pained grunt as L lined up his cock against Light's ass and shoved inside. Without preparation, without lube, it felt as though he was being torn asunder and he gasped for breath. He gasped again when L moved, barely giving him time to adjust. He whimpered low in his throat, a pained sound that faded as his body adjusted. When L shifted, hitting his prostate, Light came with a strangled yell, his body pulsing in time to his orgasm, sticky white fluid staining the floor where he lay.

L only lasted a few minutes longer, coming with a grunt, and withdrawing almost immediately. The sudden absence of him hurt almost as much as it had when he'd pushed inside and Light cried out again. He didn't move when L stood, just lay on the floor gasping for breath until the detective came back carrying a washcloth.

Light didn't protest as L cleaned him up, his fingers gentle where before they'd caused pain. "You're bleeding." L stated matter of flatly. "Perhaps you should see a doctor."

"Fuck you." Light managed, turning to glare at the detective. L's face was utterly devoid of emotion as he studied the younger man stretched out in front of him.

"Tell me, Light-kun, what purpose did it serve? What necessitated your need to force me to prove that I was capable of such an act?" Light just gaped at him and finally L shook his head. "I suppose it doesn't matter. For what it's worth, I am sorry." He dropped the cloth beside Light, moving out of his line of sight. The soft click of the door indicated that Light was alone for the first time in months.

Shakily, he pushed himself to his hands and knees, wincing at the pain that radiated through his gut and from his backside. He would be lucky to walk tomorrow. The thought made him smile darkly to himself.

Painfully, he made his way to the shower, stripping out of his clothes. By the time the water had washed away the last traces of what had happened, he was hard again.

"What were you trying to prove?" L's whisper interrupted the motion of Light's hand and he stuttered to a stop, on the brink of orgasm.

"Idiot." Light's voice was thick with arousal as he resumed jerking off, leaning heavily against the chair that marked the place where L had finally shed the last of his innocence. His fingers flexed into the material of the back of the chair, and for a moment, Light could almost pretend it was the surprisingly soft locks of L's hair.

He came hard, hard enough that he lost his balance and fell to his knees. Burying his face in the seat of the chair he rode out the last waves of his orgasm, until he could finally breathe again. The room smelt of sex and Light coughed.

"We were never as different as you wanted to pretend, L. I'm glad you knew that, when you died. I'm glad. I hope it was the last thing you ever thought."

L's ghost, if that was what it was, said nothing.
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